Thursday, September 22, 2011

Eat, Pray, Love....

For those of you sad souls who have not had the grand fortune of hearing of the book "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert, I am sad for you. It is an AMAZING story, and I have not been able to get it off my mind for a loonnnggg time now.
Go out. Buy the book. Read it. Rethink your life. 
And make up crazy life plans.
Possible side-effects of this: You won't be able to think about anything else. Ever.
BUT it's totally worth it.

Basic premise of this book:
A woman wakes up in a life she thought she always wanted, and realizes that she doesn't know who she is and that she doesn't want her life anymore. She (extremely regretfully) divorces her husband of 8 years, and after about 3 years (I think) takes a year to travel. 
She spends 4 months each in Italy, India, and Indonesia (Bali specifically) and she learns about life. She learns about herself and what she needs to be happy.
She learns how to eat shamelessly, how to connect to God, and how to love. How to love herself, and eventually how to love others.

It is a beautiful story, and I believe that every single person who has ever had any self-doubt or an urge to do something crazy like that should READ THIS BOOK.
Or at least see the movie with Julia Roberts. (and multiple steamy men)

Honestly, all I want to do is take some time off from school and go to Italy. I want to eat fattening Italian food, paint outside in the gorgeous Italian air, and be flirted with by beautiful Italian men.

Yep. This is freaking gorgeous.
Hey guess what. This guy right here is Italian. 
Um yes. I could eat this every single day for the rest of my stinking life. FOR SURE.

BUT then my alarm clock goes off, and I have to get up for work. At Taco Bell. Where I make minimum wage. And I remember that the sad reality is that only the rich have the luxury of calling the shots in their own lives.
Sad, really. I could be an excellent rich person. I love doing what I want and spending money carelessly.

Someday I'll make it. I'll study under some weird little-known Italian master of art, and become amazing. And I will have time to actually think. And feel. And figure out what makes the world beautiful. And find out what makes people do the things they do. What makes people fall in love over and over and get hurt over and over, and STILL pick themselves up and start again. I want to see what makes people smile. I want to capture it all and bring it home.

BUT here's the sad thing: I have no money. Bummer.

Here's the thing: This is my dream. And I will get there somehow. I HAVE to get there. And I will. 

Just watch me.

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Monday, September 19, 2011

ILLNESS: Physical, Mental and the Sort....

Soooo my roommate is really sick. And I'm kind of sick. 
It's not a fun thing at all.
My throat hurts and I'm congested and stuff.

Plus we have a spider infestation in our room. Maybe we just have spider poisoning...can that happen?
I don't really know. Maybe. I bet that's it.
Anyway, I thought I was just dehydrated, but I feel like trash all around. Pretty sure I'm actually sick.

That's the physical part.

The mental part is that I am going mentally insane from this whole college thing.
Here's how college works: 
Go to class for a lot of time.
Do homework for a lot of time.
Have no time for anything else.

SO when you DO make time for friends or boys or work, even, you fail at time management and get so stressed out that your immune system fails and you get sick.
Hmmmmm....this is a pickle.

Oh well. 
I'm a big girl.
I can handle this.
I can handle this.
I can handle this.

I have THE best friends in the world who are wonderful and help me out when I have no idea what to do with myself.
They are honest and encouraging and happy. And I love and appreciate them:)

I think I should go to sleep soon.
I need to sleep this sick funk off. 
Cause honestly, I am so lethargic and sleepy and tired all the time. 
Frankly, it's a little sad.

This baby turtle is adorable. 
I just wanted to share the cuteness with you all :)

Also, I thought this was thought provoking:

It got me thinking...anyway. I should probably go to sleep. I need to rest my mind. And my broken body.

Night, world. 
I hope tomorrow is bright and shiny. 

I could use a bright and shiny day.

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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Definition of Hope...

So I was in my Book of Mormon class today, and we were talking about hope and how the definition is a little different that what most people think.
Here is what we talked about:
The word for hope in Hebrew means "cord". Literally like a piece of string.
Hope is something that you bind yourself to. If you are bound to something, you can't help but follow it, right? 
So basically, hope is something that you expect to keep you safe and secure. You feel comfortable following it or binding yourself to it.
People have hope in tons of things. They count on these things to keep them safe, secure, and to make them happy.
People count on financial success, popularity, specific people, relationships, talents, etc to provide this security.
And some of these things are good to have hope in, but only under the umbrella of Jesus Christ. 

As long as the thing you have the MOST hope and underlying trust in is Jesus Christ, you are on the right track. 
My teacher described it as an umbrella. 
As long as Christ is the umbrella of hope over your life, whatever you have underneath the umbrella is good. 

This concept really helped me to organize my thoughts and prioritize my life.
I realized that I was not putting all my hope in Jesus Christ, and that's why I was confused and going insane. As long as we have Christ in our hearts and minds, and expect that he will do his part to help us (which we have every right to do) then our lives will arrange in a way that will make us happy.
Eternally happy.

Which is all anyone can ask for :)

So, here's the update everyone:

I am still a confused sort-of adult who has barely any idea what she wants, but now that I have anchored my hope in Christ, I know that everything else will work out the way it is supposed to.
Our Father in Heaven has promised to guide us and bless us as long as we do what is right, and I plan on holding Him to that.


Life is good.

Friday, September 9, 2011

The challenge that is being a grown up...POOP...

Okay everyone. 
I know I post about this a LOT, but I am strugglin with this whole growing up thing.
I like poop jokes and flirting and not doing my homework and sleeping in late.
But hey guys, guess what...

poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop

gahhh I can't handle this!

My brain is on overload. Like OVERLOAD.

I have too many life decisions to make. 
Too much commitment I have to have.
Too many things I have to be doing. 
I am really bad at being a grown up.

I hate controlling my emotions.
I want to say what I want, when I want, to WHOM I want.
I don't like the rules of decency and of being a lady or appropriate.
Sometimes I just want to yell BALLS when something goes wrong.
 Is that so terrible??

I don't want to grow up. 
I don't want to have responsibilities to people.
I don't like counting on people, because other than your family, people are flakes.
People promise things and don't keep their promises. So why bother with counting on people? I mean seriously. Life would be much easier without that.

People my age are self-centered and have no clue what the CRAP they are doing with their lives. 

I am pretty much just going on a giant rant.

I am so SOOOOO done with people who don't give a crap.
I am a dedicated person, generally speaking. 
I mean, I have a hard time committing to a friend or whoever, but when I DO I'm in for the long haul.

I'm scared. Not in a bad way necessarily...I just am.
I'm scared for the future, which I think is good. 
It means I care what I do with my life. 
 I care about what will happen to me, what I will contribute to the world, and what kind of person I will become.

Cami and I were talking about something yesterday that has been bothering me lately:
The Heroux's seem to dedicate themselves 100% to their friendships and such and no one else ever seems to reciprocate that dedication. 
It stinks sometimes. 
Or most of the time.

I am just angry at myself and the world tonight. 
I think it's okay to feel that way sometimes.
I need an outlet!

I think I'm going to go draw or something, cause all my friends ditched me tonight. Sweet. Friends are great. 

ANYWAY, in closing,




Monday, September 5, 2011

There's a DUMB Thing Called Men...Sorry, I Mean BOYS....

Here's the thing I need to remember: I don't want a boyfriend. I don't. At all. When I remember that, I feel better about everything. BECAUSE boys (and I do mean BOYS) are silly and selfish and dumb. And here's the thing: I think I like someone and then they go and do something stupid, like they choose Mario Kart over you. Just for the record: I am WAY cuter than Mario Kart. 
Oh well, boys are silly, and I don't want to date them anyway. Well, I DO want to date them. I just don't want a boyfriend. So that's good. It all works out.
But in summary: BOYS SUCK. 

Anyway, school started. Guess what. It's HARD. Classes are kicking my butt already. I had a test the first week and my first paper is due Friday. Fun fun fun.
Good thing I like learning! Cause I AM learning a lot. It's going fast and it's difficult, but I am learning a lot. So that's g00d.

Also, I love eating food and taking naps.  A lot. So that's what I do a lot of the time. And watch TV. (And do my laundry and homework, mom) 

I got a beautiful new planner thanks to my lovely grandma! She sent me some money and I have been eyeing this one planner for a long time.
It is luxurious and expensive and eco-friendly. I adore it. 
(Look at that, I'm in a more committed relationship with my planner than I am with a person. Sweet. Love my life)

I'm just mad. I need some ice cream. This is what I am in love with right now:
Heath ice cream bars. OH MY GOODNESS. So delicious.
Especially when you're a girl (if you know what I mean) and your body hurts all over, and your life is frustrating. These little babies make me feel better about everything. That and snuggly clothes. So, yeah.

Speaking of which, my grandpa also gave me some money (I have the best grandparents EVER) and I bought an adorable BYU sweatshirt, because I left my only one back in MN...which is a HUGE bummer. Anyway, the one I bought was DARLING! It's classy and cute and simple. And not an athletic looking one, it's like 50's school boy chic. It matches my cuffed up jeans, Chuck Taylors and short hair. I love it.

What else is new? 

Oh I am in LOVE with this song.
Listen to it a hundred million trillion times. DO IT.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful long weekend!

I am determined to be happy despite being frustrated with school and men. I WILL do it.

Bye (:

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